Guerre.

Characters

– Vivienne (woman, 75 years old).
– Gucci (man, 72 years old).
– Fendi (man, 82 years old).
– Prada (woman, 67 years old).
– Valentino (man, 84 years old).
– Armani (man, 82 years old).
– Jimmy Choo (man, 55 years old).
– Weitzman (man, 74 years old).
– Louis (man, 71 years old).
– Dolce (man, 58 years old).
– Gabbana (man, 54 years old).
– Alexander McQueen (man, 41 years old).
– Manolo (man, 75 years old).

———————————————————————————————————————————

Before the performance of Vivienne and Prada, all the characters, including them both, are whispering: See the clothes on me, put it all on me, want me.

A big room with all the walls in black and furniture in white, there are thirteen old people, all naked and making no movements, but Vivienne and Prada, who are discussing while they dance to a slow tango, simple choreography.

VIVIENNE. — We could ruin our reputation.
PRADA. — My life is not just a few well chosen words, is that yours?
VIVIENNE. — You know I had to invent myself.
PRADA. — But that’s not enough.
VIVIENNE. — That’s…
PRADA. — We have to invent, not only ourselves, but the ways of escape that no one has ever thought of before.
VIVIENNE. — Will we succeed?
PRADA. — We were born to dominate and avenge ourselves.

********************************************************************************

Jimmy Choo and Alexander McQueen start moving in different directions, always back to back, trying to find each other, failing every time.

JIMMY CHOO. — We are condemned to the roles.
ALEXANDER MCQUEEN. — Which roles?
JIMMY CHOO. — Keep quiet and do what you are told.
ALEXANDER MCQUEEN. — I can’t see your point.
JIMMY CHOO. — That’s the perfect opportunity to listen and observe.
ALEXANDER MCQUEEN. — But that’s not interesting at all, naturally.
JIMMY CHOO. — Not what people tell you, but whatever it is they are trying to hide.

********************************************************************************

Vivienne, Prada, Choo and McQueen fall to the floor and stop moving. Dolce and Gabbana seem to be talking individually, they don’t even see each other, they look at the public.

DOLCE. — Practice detachment.
GABBANA. — I can look cheerful while under the table I stuck a fork onto the back of my hand, I’ve been learning.
DOLCE. — Fine! We must become virtuous of deceit.

********************************************************************************

Dolce and Gabbana look at each other and fall on their knees in a strong hug. Then Gucci, Fendi, Valentino, Armani and Weitzman walk towards the public when their respective dialogue appears.

GUCCI. — It’s not pleasure we are after.
FENDI. — It is knowledge!
VALENTINO. — Let’s consult how to feel!
ARMANI. — How to think!
WEITZMAN. — How to act!

********************************************************************************

The five last characters jump out the scenery, walk through the public and sit to watch the other characters as if they were public as well. Louis and Manolo kiss each other after Louis’ first dialogue and the kiss is interrupted by Manolo’s first dialogue.

LOUIS. — In the end, everything is distilled to one wonderfully simple principle.
MANOLO. — You’re not who you wear?
LOUIS. — Win or die.
MANOLO. — War.

After each of the second and last dialogue of each of the last two characters, they grab the neck of the other respectively with fierce.

********************************************************************************

Finally all the characters scream:
Merde! Habillez-moi!

The End

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